A forgotten tome of time passed, this ancient scroll, a missive from the early days, a coaching from the kickoff, a way forward and slightly upward, was discovered deep in a box of old staplers and stuff in the back-back corner of the Pläsnt Dschörnie⁴ remote headquarters. Here it is, reproduced live, for the first time:

~=~

Often accompanied by pizza and if/maybe beer, a move¹ is, at best, a time to reconnect with old friends who probably owe you a favor, and, at worst, a time to leave said friends behind forever, pizza-less, thirsty, and forgotten. But does it have to be such?

Let us count the ways: •1): Needn’t be a master to push, pack, and pave. Proof yourself as you would a dough; be warm. •2): Hold on to your dearest’s, your darling’s, and your delight’s cherishables; hold off the doffing till the end. •3): Finding the time you need in the place you share is com·pli·cat·ed. Prepare for challenges and hold a case-by-case moment-check. Keep notes. Schedule meetings in and out of the house. On your own? A mirror is a most significant friend. No mirror? A window at night will do you right, else a puddle of hot tea. •4): Fo •5): Just the thought of putting your entire life in rectangular prisms of thin shells of cellulose and glue shivers even the more hard-edged among us. It just isn’t a nice time. When does it get easy? Keep reading. •6): It doesn’t! Not at least in this world.2 A time of stress mixed with a time of change is rarely a recipe for success or satisfaction. Maybe in the world of crows and starlings, but … ooooh! What a doozie. •7): This is the lucky one. For as much pain and suffering in this world, there are ways and means to ease the pressure one feels while upturning the soil around themselves, so as to pull loose their roots and sway into a new plot of life. A story where you (and your rumblers) are the stars of the sky, destined to streak across the vastness, encountering and uncovering checks and challenges, both calmly expected, and cruelly unanticipated. Reforming yourself in a new shape will sharpen your corners but may not keep your insides as warm as once assured. This can and shall take time; to reheat the four hollow chambers of your heart, much like thawing out your eventual new place of comfort, a special inward touch will guide your inner space outward, pressing against the interior boundaries of your physical frame. But this is for later, as now we must harden our shell against the storm. •8): Oil and water don’t mix (blood and sweat do) but colloids exist. Which are you? Could it be, possibly, with enough practice, one could become the Mayonnaise of Moving? A slather so calm and creamy, that bedspreads get jealous. •9): .---------------------------._.-----------------. |:' ` : ."| | ´ : " | | ˘ ` : ' | | ´ ´ .=. . | | . ° /~~~\ | | ´) | | | | .====. .====. .====. .====. .====. | | |.**.| |.#*.| |.+*.| |.*x.| |.**.| | | |.#*.| |.*;.| |.<*.| |.**.| |.\#.| | | '====' '====' '====' '====' '====' | |: | | ´ ; _| | ≈() '-. ´ || | ~@'' _/_:o (}~ || |"- .---. (|_^_|)\' ]~.___ * || | | . ˜ |'o___|/ (:/o|_^_| # •|| | ÷*_|_ , |-.###o' %%%_|_^_|= (~ /___ || | >$|_^_| < | |# # H|%%|_^_|[]H °'/) ._/|_^_||| |_%&|_^_|==_|=|#_#.__%%||_v_|´[]"={U}¬_+#_Oo|___|| '------------------------------------------------' [A family in despair at the idea of packing their house because they were forced out of their long-term apartment because a new owner of their building wanted to raise their rent by 250%, just because.3] •0): First, last, what’s the difference? The difference is that we wrote this at the bottom of the list before we wrote any of the line items above. It’s about p-e-r-spec-t-i-v-e. It’s a way you finesse yourself, and your dependents, through all stages of a tough and calculative situation. By all means, be yourself an opal in a world of glass.

Concluded.











1. It can happen while watching TV, just after you fall asleep, or while sitting at your favorite toilet bar: Your heart rate jumps, color drains from your tips, and your mind races around the block, down to the corner store, and forgets what it went there for: You have to move now, (or, pretty soon). It’s an arduous prospect, that leads to an arduous process.

2. Sheesh. We were running out of room upstairs, but there’s plenty of room down cellar, where it’s nice and cool. So, you know how like when you’re sitting at home, and there’s plenty to do, but you’ve had a long day at data-entry school, and you’re thinking about summer vacation when you were 12, and how those 10 weeks felt like the rest of your life? Well, now, it’s like the opposite (way worse). It’s not easy and it’s not fun.

3. ? ? ? ? ?

4. Pläsnt Dschörnie, the moving company that keeps you company while you're completely shell-free, like a hapless hermit crab caught unawares in the midst of a beach-top real estate frenzy, aims to soften and smother the feelings that strongarm its customers while sorting out their sticky situations. From the beginning, middle, and end of an always-(normally)-frustrating move, Pläsnt Dschörnie⁵ coddles and supports their customers, ad nauseam infinitum.

5. Pläsnt Dschörnie is, unfortunately, merely a figment of the imagination of Ethan Hayes-Chute, who, since 2014, has been exploring the world of this most-empathetic moving company through printed matter, performance, video, sculpture, and other such dalliances.